Finding Comfort In My Own Skin

                       








    I cannot tell you how many times I've heard people say oh I can't wait for you to do my next photo shoot BUT I just gotta lose some weight first. OR I gotta get botox, my eyebrows, and hair done before I go anywhere near a camera! Often times years go by and we never do their family shoots cause their still waiting for the perfect image of themselves to appear. This makes me so sad cause in that time their kids have grown so much, life has changed, and loved ones even pass away.  Im talking about woman of all shapes, sizes, and ages that hate the way they look. I argue with them that there's no need to wait and that they're beautiful now. I truly believe this 100% for who ever I'm speaking to but I don't believe my own words when it comes to myself. I complain constantly that I'm not aging well, I'm fat, and ugly. But why when I have no reason to feel this way?

   I have a husband that adores me for me, he tells me he's so lucky to have me and that I'm beautiful! Shouldn't that be enough? It should be, but when I look in the mirror all I can see are my new wrinkles, double chin, grey hairs, age spots, and fat that is attacking my whole body. One of the hardest things for me to do as a photographer is to get in front of the camera. If I have to be in the photo I squirm. I've been battling to get beyond this fear a lot more lately since a lot of my art requires self portraiture. I start saying the same things as everyone else. I need to hire a model cause my body type is not slim enough. I can't be in this image cause I look too old. Blah blah. I get down on myself for not following a diet properly, for not exercising,  and not caring enough what my hair or make up looks like. At one point in my life I lost a ton of weight and was down to 130lbs, was tone from working out and felt amazing but I still thought I was to fat! I was so blind by this vision in my head that I never enjoyed and saw the goals I accomplished. Now of course I wish I could look like that again! See I'm never satisfied.

Why do people say UGH I'm starting to look like my mother like it's a bad thing?
Have you seen my mom?!!! Hell yah I wanna look like my Mom! She's hot! --she's gonna kill me for saying that but its true. My girls no matter how fat I get tell me Mama you're so pretty I hope I look like you when I grow up. You know what my response is to them? "Awe thank you baby, but your not gonna look like me your gonna be way prettier than me." or I just chuckle and say "Trust me you don't wanna look like me, you want to be way more in shape than me." WTF? Why do I say these things?

  Well today I was testing some new techniques that I need to do for my art and the only model around was myself so I fought through the cringe and posed.
Guess what?! I had fun! As I was editing I realized something crucial. I liked a lot more of the pictures than I hated and yes dare I even say,  I thought I looked beautiful! Wrinkles, spots, fat and all. I'm lucky to have lived this long to have these marks on my body, many don't get that luxury.  I'm lucky to have family and friends that love me for me. When they tell me I'm beautiful it's not cause their just looking at my outer appearance. They love me cause they see the true me.
To age is a gift that I want to embrace. I'm done looking down on myself. No matter my pant size, shirt size, wrinkles, or grey hairs, it's time for me to love me.

   I want to help others feel the same way. No more excuses. Let's do your photo session today! Raw and beautiful I will show you how truly amazing you are. No matter your size, age, or the amount of wrinkles you have, your beautiful. Embrace it!
I'm going to do a photo session with all my friends/fam/strangers that want to embrace this time of our lives. Ages 30+ men and women. I'd like to feature this collaboration of sessions on my blog and create a book. I would love for all body types, couples, races, and as much diversity as possible to be in this session. Let me know if your interested in being a part of my 30+ Alive & Beautiful photo session.
   Be thankful your alive, embrace who you are with pride. No more waiting for your perfect body type to get in front of the camera.  Book your session today!

Here's some more photos of my little awakening.
Messy hair, some with no make up or lite make up, wrinkles and all! If I can do it so can you!

Love Yourself & Others Always,
Amber